Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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