How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
