I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
