Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
