you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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