At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
