I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
