i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
