I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
