I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
