I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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