he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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