I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
