oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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