I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
