Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
