He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
why didn't you poke me back
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
