btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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