Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
