3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
