I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
