Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Terrible idea I love it
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
