i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
