I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
