I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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