I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
