my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
