she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
