Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
