At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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