dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
