I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
