if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
