I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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