sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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