i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
