I could have mohawked her pubes.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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