he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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