Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
