If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
