how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
