everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
