We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
