I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
