he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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