i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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