so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
