Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
