planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
