did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
